Despite many attempts by people to prove otherwise. Literally every "enterprise" product I've seen tried to do this and fucked it up royally.

Interestingly some very enterprise products don't even try and use database features like foreign key relationships - it can be a bit of a shock to open a database with many thousands of tables and realise that there is no obvious way to work out how they relate without looking at application level structures.

Yes that's true as well. JIRA does that in some configurations. Does my head in.

I'd definitely give you that. SPs are the last place you want business logic.